Step out from crowd and do good for someone

Others randomly come in and out of our lives for no apparent reason, but once in awhile, someone enters your life for a very definitive purpose.

It’s truly an amazing feeling having your car pulled out of a snowy ditch late at night on a long lonely road by a complete stranger who responds to your attempted reciprocity by quickly driving off. Or what about the stranger at the checkout line who pays for someone else’s merchandise or hands them a gift card and quickly walks away?

At our new Joshua’s Java House location, we have a “Kingdom Coupon & Notes” board where customers can leave a coupon for a $1 to $3 value with a personal note. It allows them to share a personalized cup of coffee with a complete stranger. Often times, the stranger, “Good Samaritan” phenomenon is a Godsend allowing others the freedom to take definite steps of action and practice “prosocial behaviors” they’re likely not to within groups.

To affirm the reality of the group dynamic, we needn’t look further than a recent Facebook video. I call it the “Burger Bully.” The first time I watched it I seethed at the idea customers possibly could care more about a hamburger than a young person being blatantly bullied right before their eyes. But that’s exactly what occurred.

In the video, an employee blatantly bullied customer’s hamburgers and 94 percent of customers whose hamburgers were bullied reported it and asked for management. And this all while a middle school boy is being bullied by several other boys right in front of them. Only 12 percent of the customers stood up and took the necessary action to address the behavior and come to the defenseless student’s aid.

How is it possible a complete stranger can come to the aid of someone they don’t know, but when in group settings very few people take action to help someone else in need?

What if I told you everyone in the group is waiting to see if anyone else will initiate and step out to take action. Once one person acts, it’s likely to create a chain reaction in which others in the group join in lending assistance

There’s also this notion of responsibility. Thus, people are more likely to act alone than act as part of a group.

A Psychology Today article titled, “Why We Stand By And Don’t Help” found 70 percent of people offered help if they were alone, but only 20 percent did so if they were together with others in a group. This is all about group norms and expectations, creating a false sense of apathy based on the assumption someone else will take action.

Sometimes, a perfect stranger can step out of the group and become a lifelong friend. It’s amazing what can happen when one person broadens their horizons and helps others redefine what the in-group looks like and who should be included in it.

Recently, we were blessed with a new much larger office space which presented a daunting challenge of turning some old classrooms into the Joshua’s Java House and Community Life Dream Center. There was enough space to provide a café counseling center, play therapy room and a multi-sensory room.

We simultaneously were overwhelmed with a sense of excitement and responsibility of figuring out how to get this done.

And then something amazing happened and like a welcome cool summer breeze that always passes by too quickly, someone blew into our lives. We met a military family attending our church. The father was a firefighter with constructions skills. He heard about project and wanted to help.

Little did I know the help would mean working until 2 a.m. and being stretched beyond my wildest imagination.

With his constant help and encouragement, in 10 months and just a couple of weeks before they transferred, he and I completely renovated those three rooms into what’s now something that continues to be surreal to me.

It’s living proof Good Samaritan strangers reside inside every group and once that stranger takes action, it creates a butterfly effect impacting the immediate group and the community at large. As I sit here reflecting on my inadequate ability to put into words what’s happened, I’m convinced a stranger who steps out of the group to take action can be worth more than many friends.

I also know lifelong friendships have been forged in this new place of friendship where many other strangers can step out of their groups, broaden their horizons, helping others to redefine what the in-group looks like and who all should be included in it.

I believe one stranger can be more valuable than many friends and expands the human soul’s ability to get outside the box and to make places where Good Samaritan actions shatter all the windows of those who are on the outside looking in. So are you a perfect stranger or a lifelong friend?