Power of touch proven essential to healthy lives
Feelings, nothing more than feelings. But feelings come and feelings go, so many of us attempt to refrain from crying and like the song says try to forget about the…
In loving memory
Dr. TJ's Writings
62 columns and reflections on family, faith, pain and purpose, kept here so his words can keep helping people.
62 articles
2019
No one can slay dragons of fear quite like fathers
We live in an age of paralysis by fear, where many voices attempt to dictate and control our thoughts and decisions. Fear can paralyze everything that’s good in life.…
Create your own supportive community of zebras
The concept of community is as old as creation itself. Without community, all creation spirals out of control and into a chaotic state driven by the illusion of control.…
Easter can reawaken dead inside you
At a recent intensive counseling retreat, I found myself involved in an exercise that provided a part of my healing process that eluded me for years. I was in a small…
Be an agent for change, not a victim of it
Change is a process we move through as we live out our days in this uncertain journey we call life. One of the most fundamental elements common to all life is movement.…
Don’t be a goldfish on some shark’s menu
Goldfish shouldn’t swim in shark tanks just like people concerned about living their lives shouldn’t remain in the company of those dedicated to destroying others’ life…
Avoid regrets by adjusting your approach to life now
The times in which we live seem to be all about accumulating and consuming, but what if life’s really is a process of phases that require giving away and letting go.…
2018
Team approach leads to better family stories
Sometimes, if we’re not careful, attempting to help others result in more harm than good. If it’s really human to err, we should diligently consider how our actions — no…
Transformative power available through humility
There’s something powerful about humility. Before you reduce the idea of humility to an old, worn-out doormat that everyone wipes their feet on without consequence,…
Forget multi-tasking: Intent focus brings best results
Why do some people’s lives seem to move in a divinely calculated direction while others just drive around in circles? I always say, “If your minds made up, don’t let me…
Church community must move beyond good intentions
Writer Henry David Thoreau said, “The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat…
Critics often complain from a sideline perch
Criticism is sometimes a friend, sometimes a foe or, maybe after the curtains are drawn, it’s both. Either way, have you noticed most critics are content to watch the…
Church experience failing to retain next generation
Church, we have a problem. We’re in a place where we achieve successful re-entry into society, reclaiming our place as salt and light of the earth, or risk being…
Proper rest is vital to life
Someone said, “The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic’s terrible.” The reality is everyone needs to get out of traffic, take a break and explore roads less…
Imperfect humans benefit from sharing life
What if we’re all imperfect people, living in an imperfect world, inundated with programs and products promising to take us to places of perfection; while the entire…
Forceful currents of change drive corrections in life
Changes can be good. Changes can be bad. It depends on what currents drive the changes and where the process takes you. People don’t like to be corrected because…
Practice loving relationships
Does practice make perfect or is it just an old worn-out proverb? Well is anything perfect to begin with? Consider the answer because the implications are far reaching.…
Don’t ignore value of pain
Pain is a conundrum. You can’t live without it and you can’t live with it. So what are you to do when you find yourself caught in the middle of an internal tug of war,…
2017
Sharing coffee can open door to Christmas miracles
Christmas and cold weather go together like adults and their routines; they both can leave you feeling frigid and detached from the real meaning of the season. Fear not…
Step out from crowd and do good for someone
Others randomly come in and out of our lives for no apparent reason, but once in awhile, someone enters your life for a very definitive purpose. It’s truly an amazing…
Your perceptions influence outlook on world’s miseries
We live in perilous times. The preacher man says we are living in the end times. When you turn on the TV, the world seems to be spinning out of orbit on so many levels.…
Sharing ‘life’ is quickest path to influence
What if the way you go about doing your job or living your life is so meaningless you end up being someone else’s meal ticket? When is the last time you stopped and took…
Changing perspective alters expectations and lives
How we see things may be more important than what we see. Perspectives are paramount. Many times, what we think we see is shaped by powerful influences that win out in…
Cultural conditioning causes opinions to appear as facts
We live in very advanced times. We live in the most archaic times. Sometimes I wonder if we’ve not lost touch with reality and disconnectd ourselves with the ability to…
Lifetime of anxiety results from setting excess expectations
Americans always have loved their automobiles. If you’re thoughtful and honest, there really are few exceptions. There’s this standing joke in our family about my car.…
X-ray worth more than 10,000 boxes of bandages
Music is to the soul what water is to the body: life-sustaining. Music is everywhere present for those who pay attention to the sounds. Church bells calling us to…
Childlike approach is invaluable, but avoid childishness
I admit I have done some very childish things in my lifetime. Growing up, I was fascinated with gravity so I jumped off housetops and rode bikes over homemade ramps. I…
Peer influence can be powerful tool for change
Every person has influence. It’s a sobering thought because we are constantly exerting influence of some kind whether we realize it or not. And influence can be the most…
Don’t fake your way through life anymore
It’s time we start calling out counterfeiters. I’m not talking about people who print bogus money, although those who damage others lives passing phony cash should be…
2016
Spark of light can change our view of everything
What if the difference between darkness and light is about perspective? What if it’s not nearly as much about what you see as how you see it? The way we perceive…
Promote healing by practicing hospitality
Hurt is universal. Humanity has been born for troubles as sure as sparks fly upward. There is plenty of pain for everyone on the planet. Whether a sickness takes a child…
Think like a child to experience agape love
Evil is everywhere. It’s become pervasive. You need only look as far as the evening newscast to realize the never- ending degree of chaos our society is reaching.…
New vantage point can put problems in perspective
Everywhere we look, it seems the temperature of the times grow more chaotic. And with the passing of time, problems seem to grow in degrees of difficulty. Talking to…
What if problems aren’t the problem?
I admit it. I just had an awkward moment most never tell anyone else about. I’ve had a bad earache the last couple of days, so I thought it was just throwing me off. I…
Unlock the secrets to the sanity of control
There are simply some things beyond our ability to understand, control or do anything about. Take genetics for instance. Some people have the metabolism of a 12 year old…
Take a panoramic view of problems
Have you ever attempted to fix a problem and before you’re finished, the situation is actually worse than when you began? If we’re honest, avoiding denial and…
Block pain with purpose and you’ll never quit
Have you ever been between a rock and a hard place? You know those places where the pains so great everything inside you just wants to quit. As a counselor, I regularly…
Postponing judgment for understanding
To judge or not to judge is a question all eventually will confront. Let’s face it, the days of parachute pants and leg warmers are long gone. Likewise, small-town USA…
Letting go of faulty prize can lead to greater riches
Have you ever found yourself holding onto something you thought was real, but in the end wasn’t real at all? Life’s funny. You think something’s true and based on that…
Acceptance is Antidote for Brokenneess
Have you ever broken anything? I’ve seen a lot of brokenness in my lifetime. Sometimes we’re in the wrong place at the wrong time and we have a front row seat to…
Justice for all is becoming as rare as Texas snowfall
I’m glad it’s not obvious I’m interracial. I know how can someone named Kimble be interracial? My grandmother’s a Womack with Native American ancestry. Also, family…
2015
Shaking the blues: Choose empathy over sympathy
Let’s be honest: Christmas is stressful business. Before you crown me Mr. Grinch, I want to go on record as someone who’s always cherished Christmas. From the time I was…
Forgiveness can rid your life of emotional poison
Have you ever drank something by accident? Accidental drinks seem to be the most toxic; at least they taste like it. I know by experience. Sometimes I still wonder if it…
Don’t allow sugar to hijack your ability to focus
“I feel good! So good … like sugar and spice.” This James Brown song was a six-week rhythm and blues chart topper. Although we may never sing a song equaling the…
Flip the switch on your response to childish behaviors
Let’s face it oppositional defiant behaviors aren’t fun. For many, thoughts of walking through a pit of rattle snakes seems more attractive. Compounding behaviors with…
Don’t hide your inner swan behind a wall of can’t
Have you ever told yourself, “I can’t … (fill in the blank)”? It’s helpful if you’re honest. Truthfully speaking, we have all been there before. Sometimes we’re our own…
Billion-dollar industry endorses mind-altering drugs
What if we proactively ask questions about our health and well being? Sounds strange questioning doctor’s recommendations, especially when considering antipsychotic…
Behavior transformation begins with communications
We live in a world, particularly America, where out of control behavior is rampant — especially children’s. Do we have it backward addressing children’s behavior…
Put aside your fear of failure to erase impossible
Live enough and you’ll see failure, take enough chances and you’ll experience failure. Fear of failure has handcuffed humanity, convincing many their dreams are just…
Depression does not have to come with a death certificate
It seems depression has become as common as the cold. You don’t have to look far to realize the devastating tolls on our communities and societies. Most experts agree…
Think Outside the Box
How can anyone become the greatest at what they do? Whenever you begin to see what you do from the view of your passion points then whatever you do has the potential to…
Seeds of God
“Most complex problems, couched in layers of complexities, actually contain simple seeds capable of germinating their own organic solutions.
2014
Is What’s On Your MENU effecting your Children’s MANNERS?
I must confess that I initially struggled with the idea that what I was eating could be affecting my behavior; after all I had ADHD and didn’t out grow it as adult. For…
What if you saw God Run?
What if……..What if you saw God run and it opened the eyes of your understanding to see your life from the “heartbeat of heaven
Behavior Interventions for Challenging Behaviors
Effective Behavior Interventions that will function to produce the most benefit from maladaptive or difficult behavior situations are often like the deaf frog that fell…
Marital Tensions Reduced with Temperament Counseling
Being married is one of life’s most challenging as well as rewarding relationships. On one hand you have the unique privilege of meeting felt emotional needs of your…
2013
Mega Purpose Hides in Major Problems
Nothing can prepare a parent for unexpected bad news at the birth of a child. There are so many expectations and the air is filled full of anticipation around the new…
The Joshua Factor, Part 3
I mean Josh has Down’s and is MMR, so how could he possibly understand what was going on inside of me and help me get better? Well, let me tell you almost from the…
The Joshua Factor, Part 2
Part 2 On this day, I had made up my mind to do what I had been secretly planning to do for months. I was going to end my life by driving my car in front of an oncoming…
The Joshua Factor, Part 1
As you follow these blogs, it is my prayer that you may come to have your own Joshua Factor experience and that no matter what you may be facing, you will realize that…
Veterans Fighting Their Own Battle
Did you know that 1 in 4 people will experience major depression in their lifetime? And that every 17 minutes someone commits suicide in the US alone. More alarming…
Stress Busters
Helpful Hint Stress Busters! Next time you’re having a really difficult time with your child or just an overall bad day, try one of these ideas: Turn on some music and…