Have you ever drank something by accident? Accidental drinks seem to be the most toxic; at least they taste like it.

I know by experience. Sometimes I still wonder if it was an accident or if one of my sons peed in my Lipton Tea bottle on purpose. I’ll probably never know the whole truth about the pee prank, but I can assure you urine and Lipton Tea taste nothing alike.

This was a one-time inadvertent incident as almost no one purposely drinks poisonous tasting drinks from their tea bottle.

But what if everyday multitudes of people accidently on purpose pour and drink poisonous cocktails of their own making? It’s one thing to pee in someone else’s tea bottle and let them drink it, but quite another to poison a drink for yourself.

What if unforgiveness is a toxic tea, a powerful poison that always ends up being drank by the person who poured it?

We create these concoctions for our offenders but most often are unable to make them drink it. So we end up consuming what was meant for them ourselves.

Unforgiveness is a powerful poison that plagues our posterity. The question must be where does it stop? How do we quit perpetrating poisonous brews that only end up back in our own bottles?

If unforgiveness is the problem then forgiveness is the answer. The problem with forgiveness is it’s being censored out at almost all levels.

Many therapists and counselors are forbidden to talk to clients about forgiveness or they’re uncomfortable about the topic. Why? Think about what degree of therapeutic or clinical results, that are actually sustainable, are able to occur long term without the concept of forgiveness. Without it not very many are able to have a lasting impact.

So why not talk about forgiveness as part of a healing or effective grief process? The bottom line is because forgiveness is a Christian concept.

When asked, many will state that grace is the distinguishing factor that differentiates Christianity from other world religions, but when you press the issue, forgiveness may be the fundamental factor at the heart of the issue.

To forgive is to behave Christ like and to behave Christ like is to forgive.

I believe and have become convinced we forgive because we have been forgiven in Christ. However, beyond that, forgiveness is all about control.

If you want to truly be self- controlled and not allow others to run, control and exercise power over your life, then you will want to understand the difference between unforgiveness and forgiveness.

Unforgiveness is the equivalent of pouring a poisonous drink, drinking it yourself and hoping it will kill someone else. It’s delusional.

The term in counseling circles is a cognitive distortion. It’s not functional and surrenders total control of your life to the object of your unforgiveness.

I know all about this because for too many years I hated the hit-and-run driver who killed my dad when I was ten.

Through the process of forgiveness, I discovered letting go is holding on. And by letting go of the person who killed my dad, I was able to hold on to my dad’s memories more clearly and allow his influence to begin having its proper place in my life again.

Forgiveness is not some passive crutch for the weak, but rather a powerful cure giving control back to all of those who choose to courageously practice it.

Forgiveness also understands the difference between what you control versus what you don’t control. And takes loving action for what you control while placing what you don’t control in the hands of the one who controls everything.

By the way, I also have forgiven my son who was only 5 at the time, for peeing in my Lipton tea bottle. The incident constantly reminds me how, if were not careful, we can accidently on purpose find ourselves drinking powerfully poisonous cocktails from our own cups.

Dr. T.J. Kimble of Radcliff is a clinical pastoral counselor. He can be reached attj@yourbestlifenowcounseling.com.