There are simply some things beyond our ability to understand, control or do anything about.

Take genetics for instance. Some people have the metabolism of a 12 year old all their life and others seemingly look at a Twinkie and feel they gain 12 pounds. Some people never study for a test show up and ace it, while others study 10 hours and barely score a B-. Some people never having voice lessons sound like they’ve been singing in choir all their life and then there’s those of us who have been ask not to sing in church.

If we’re to have a come to Jesus conversation, we must be honest about things beyond our control. Being honest means admitting, mostly to ourselves, the vast majority of events chaotically raging around us, every day of our lives are beyond the scope of our ability to do anything about.

Lots of people I talk with refuse to face this looming reality. For them it seems to be too depressing or melancholic. But what if it’s actually a gift from God? What if understanding all the things you don’t control actually creates life giving limitation allowing you to begin focusing your efforts on the few things you really can control? What if many of life’s limitations serve to help us more than hurt us by creating a sort of sanity of control?

It’s like growing strawberries. If you don’t know what you’re doing, it can drive you insane.

We had a large garden, for about five years, while our family lived in Texas. Everything grew great. We always had more then we could give away.

But no matter what I did, my garden just wouldn’t grow strawberries very well. I tried everything I could think of: raised mounds, fertilizers, different types of strawberries for our region, but nothing seemed to work.

For three years, I worked all the different angles possible and never grew a strawberry bigger than a cherry. It was disheartening because my wife makes strawberry rhubarb jam that’s second to none. And I wasn’t able to provide the home grown strawberries necessary for the jam.

Then we had a visitor. Our neighbor, originally from Arkansas, stopped and informed me of his thoughts about my lack of fruit, “Your answers right here in your own backyard”, he said. He instructed me our hen house held the secret and walked me through making a tea to water the strawberry plants with. He said he would check back later and see how the tea fertilizer was working.

Revisiting this past struggle to understand and figure out how to get my garden to grow strawberries reminds me of this story in the Bible.

A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard. He came to visit it to get some fruit from it and the tree wasn’t producing any fruit. He went to the gardener and said, “I have been looking for fruit on this tree for three years and have found none. Cut it down. Why should it waste the ground?”

But the gardener said let the tree have one more year to produce fruit. “I will dig around it and add fertilizer. If the tree produces fruit next year great, but if not then cut it down.”

The gardener was the owner’s gift from God. He understood the solution to the trees real problem and he knew exactly what he controlled and what he didn’t control.

Patience is a virtue – or maybe it’s more a fruit. The gardener exhibited self-control and a willingness to focus on what he actually controlled: changing how the tree was fertilized and being willing to actively embrace his particular part.

We must fiercely take charge of what we actually do control and be willing to let go of what we don’t control; our sanity depends on it.

So does growing fruit. Howard, our neighbor, stopped by again and we were in the garden picking strawberries. Howard and I started laughing as my youngest son Micah was busy putting more strawberries in his mouth than his basket. And every strawberry that went in his mouth he would smile and say, “Yum- yums, daddy. Yum yums.”

We had a bumper crop of strawberries. My wife made and canned her grandmother’s strawberry rhubarb jam and there were strawberries to spare.

It’s an eternal truth that we control much less than most of us are comfortable admitting. But it’s also important to understand these limitations are life giving for those who take concentrated control of their small part.

Like the Gardner who knew the tree needed fertilizer and another year’s time. Like Howard who knew all our strawberry plants needed was fertilizer tea. May life send you friends to help you take fierce control of those things that will make your life better. And may you realize many limitations actually are a gift from God.

As you yield your efforts to those few things you can affect, may you be like Micah with mouth full of strawberries saying, “Yum yums, daddy. Yum yums.”

And may you always use your gifts in a concentrated way empowering you to unlock the secrets of the sanity of control – helping you more than hurting you in your quest for growing goodness in your life.

Dr. T.J. Kimble of Radcliff is a clinical pastoral counselor. He can be reached attj@yourbestlifenowcounseling.com.